What is one thing you would change about yourself?
If I could change one thing about myself, I’d love to stop assuming I’m the bloody problem in every room I walk into. Honestly, it’s exhausting. I could breathe wrong and immediately think, “Well done, you’ve ruined the vibe again. Somewhere a group chat is forming.”
It’s this knee-jerk, lifelong habit of pre-rejecting myself before anyone else even gets the chance. A little emotional-neglect starter kit I apparently never grew out of. Some people collect keepsakes, but me? I collect reasons I’m terrible.
I’d love to wake up one day and not automatically feel like the outsider, the afterthought, the optional extra that no one ordered but still showed up like a rogue side salad. I’d love to trust that people can actually like me without me doing Olympic-level emotional labour.
But here’s the twist: I am changing it. Slowly. Awkwardly. Like a baby deer on ice.
Every time I catch myself spiralling into the “no one wants you here” narrative, I metaphorically tie my shoelaces, straighten myself up, and take another step anyway. Because that voice isn’t truth, it’s childhood echoes doing karaoke in my brain.
So yeah. If I could change one thing, I’d change the way I shrink myself to fit into other people’s expectations… and then apologise for taking up oxygen.
Shadow work is basically me turning around and saying, “Right then, who actually told you that?”
And nine times out of ten, it wasn’t the people standing in front of me now, it was the ghosts behind me.
I’m learning. I’m healing. And I’m working on turning down the volume on that old, familiar self-doubt so I can actually hear myself think for once.
Lottie 🫶
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