A Cautionary Tale Featuring Coffee and Chaos 

What are your daily habits?

My alarm rudely goes off at 6am.

It’s in my ear.

There’s a floor fan blasting arctic air into my face.

I don’t know if I’m waking up or being exorcised. My first thought: Do I actually need to work for a living?

Decide to press snooze while negotiating mentally with all of my responsibilities.

Eventually get up because I want, sorry – need coffee, and apparently no one else in the house understands how to make it properly.

Somewhere between cups one and two, I scroll my phone, check my calendar, and spiral about things like:

Did I reply to that email or just think I did?

Am I supposed to attend a meeting today?

Depending on the day, I might go for a run. Not from my problems, they’re faster than me, but because it’s the only thing that keeps my mind focused and keeps me grounded. I also walk a lot. Mainly to the fridge, but still.

The afternoons are where it gets a bit hazy, this is the danger zone. This is where I decide I deserve a five minute lie down that somehow turns into a full blown accidental nap at 5pm, guaranteeing I’ll be wide awake at 1am wondering if my birth certificate is in a drawer or lost somewhere in the abyss of adulthood.

In the evenings, I try to wind down by scrolling through other people’s lives and wondering how they afford all that beige decor. I briefly flirt with the idea of journaling, but then realise I’d have to deal with feelings and go back to watching crime documentaries to relax. (Because nothing says calm like a serial killer with a plan.)

Bedtime always comes round fast doesn’t it, another productive day moves into the past, it’s time to rest and recharge so of course this is when my brain fires up with such classics as:

“What’s that weird pain in your ribs?”

“Where is your passport?”

“Remember that embarrassing thing you said in 2006?”

Which obviously cues a 30 minute internal spiral, followed by one final act of chaos:

A late night scroll on Facebook, wondering why Stacey from year 8 still gives me the ick and accidentally liking a post from 2012. 

Mentally plan a full life overhaul.

Decide on Monday sounds much more realistic.

Sleep. Finally. Hopefully.