Behind The Smile: The Quiet Struggle Of Healing.

What we show the world isn’t always the truth we live with.

There are days when healing feels like freedom. Like a clear breath. Like moving forward.

And then there are days like this – quiet, heavy, and tearful, where I feel like I’m barely holding it together.

You won’t always see these days. Online, I might seem lighthearted, sarcastic, even strong. But the truth is, what we show the world isn’t always the full story. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s rarely neat. It’s fractured. It’s a constant push and pull between who I’ve been and who I’m trying to become.

Sometimes it feels like I’m walking through water, weighed down by thoughts I can’t quite name. There are moments I want to escape from myself. Not because I’ve given up, but because carrying all of it – every memory, every layer of emotional residue, feels too much.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing it because someone needs to.

Not giving up doesn’t always look like some huge moment or a breakthrough. Sometimes, it’s brushing your teeth when you’ve been crying all morning. It’s replying to a message when you just want to hide. It’s showing up for yourself in small, quiet ways when no one is watching. These are the victories that go unseen but matter more than anyone will ever know.

This week has been hard. I’ve laughed online, I’ve shared things that say I’ve got it all together. But underneath it all, I’ve felt like I’m quietly falling apart. The kind of sadness that sits in your chest and lingers behind your eyes.

And I know I’m not alone. There are others, everywhere, showing up with smiles while carrying the weight of something invisible.

This isn’t the end. I know that. I’ve come too far to stop here. But I also know that healing doesn’t mean I won’t fall apart again. It just means I’ll keep coming back. Every single time.

So if you’re somewhere quiet today, trying to hold yourself together, then this is for you.

You’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re not too much or not enough.

You’re healing. And even when it hurts, that still counts.

You’re still here. And that matters more than you know.

Love Lottie x